“Feminists are of two types: the loud, liberal, outspoken one who hates men, and the silent, rational, inexistent one who does not hate men.
Both do little good for the betterment of the society, the latter more so. Action speaks louder than words, but silence speaks loudest of all.”
To put it across clearly, as the anonymous person who made this statement in a public forum demanded, I identify myself as one of the ‘invisible’, ‘silent’ (not-very-well-versed-with-feminist-literature) feminists, who does not actually hate men.
To reiterate something that has been said a thousand times over, but actually listened to less often, feminism is a concept that aims to define, establish and defend women’s right to equality in political, social, economic and cultural aspects.
What do I feel about?
There are thousands of causes within the purview of feminism. For me, as a feminist and a victim (in lesser ways than many Indian women, though), the concept I resent is gender based discrimination against women, particularly in the largely patriarchal society of India.
India is one of the most sexist nations of the world, as shown by the latest gender inequality index. India ranks at 132/148, falling behind all Asian countries except Afghanistan. With this fact, I establish that some of the few liberated men and women in India, that you may or may not have come across, sadly, do not make up the majority.
Though there is nothing wrong with men being leaders, the problem is in assuming that men are leaders by default. The problem is when worthy, strong and intelligent women are denied the opportunity.
Has feminism eroded the family system?
I have found many people saying that feminism has eroded the family system.
But, what was the quintessential Indian family like before feminism made waves in India? Were people, particularly the women of the household, happy?
Was emotional/physical abuse absent?
Did wives dare walk out of troubled marriages?
Did men dare to own up their own abuse at the risk of being called “womanly”?
Did women not want to get educated, earn a living or want more financial/social independence?
Was it a healthy environment for the emotional, mental and physical growth of all members of the household, including the lowest in the family pecking order?
Did bride-burning, female infanticide, rape, sexual crime, dowry, purdah etc. not exist?
Cross your heart and say ‘yes’ to these if you are truly blind.
Does feminism uphold working women over homemakers?
Feminism is not a promotion propaganda for career women. It is meant to provide women the choice to work if they want to. It is meant to foster a culture that is supportive of both women and men in terms of removing gender stereotypes.
For instance, look at the corporate culture today. Largely male-driven, it fails to let employees strike a work-home balance, what with overtimes, working weekends, long hours etc. The prevailing patriarchal system does not actually expect men to make time for their families, which is sadly seen as a feminine preoccupation. Also, women in the households of these men typically take over the other side of life, therefore, providing a conducive backup for men to do pretty much whatever they please with their career and lives - be it transferable jobs, long working hours, field jobs, on-site, off-site etc. Men do not bear much social brunt for neglecting the household and familial aspect of their lives, although they do suffer emotionally.
Since the system does not recognize men’s needs to connect with their ‘softer’ sides, as in families and recreation etc., and because men are seen only as breadwinners in patriarchy, the workplace culture evolves in tandem with these ideals.
So, a woman who wants to work finds herself making the same compromises. But unlike men, the social stigma associated with a woman, who is making the same sacrifices on the family front as a man, is a gazillion times higher. A father who works weekends is hailed. A mother who works weekends is said to be a vamp who neglects the family.
Is this just the woman’s problem? Or is it something more significant and important to address for all of us -men and women?
Aren’t we depriving intelligent, aspiring, ambitious women of the opportunity to put their technical
skills to use for achieving parity with men who have similar skill and expertise level?
Have you ever tried staying at home while your heart ached to prove your skill to the world?
Let me tell you how they feel. People, not just women, forced to be a homemaker either by circumstance or by social expectations when they aspire for work that puts their technical skills to use, are pushed to insanity of the brain rot it gives them. These people don’t feel mentally motivated by household chores and family management alone.
For them, it’s a just a part of life, not the heart of it, just like a job alone isn’t the heart of one’s life. A retired parent of grandparent will usually tell you how much of a mental rut it is to stay home after a long and successful career life.
While people who have been in challenging jobs all their lives feel thus in old age, when one is supposed to be more sober, is it not unfair to expect ambitious women in the prime of their lives to be happy just being “provided for”? Please note I am only talking about women who make the conscious choice to work, and are denied the opportunity one way or the other.
Every woman, as a human being, is entitled to all worlds she may identify with and it is purely up to her whether or not she utilizes this entitlement.
On the other hand, being a homemaker isn’t free from discrimination.
How many homemakers are there who feel they could have some recognition or appreciation of their efforts from their families?
How many men actually appreciate the work of their wives?
In fact the very term ‘working women’ is a shame. Homemakers work equally hard.
Do you ‘antagonists of feminism’ ever appreciate the homemaker?
If you did, you would uphold her right to do what she wanted - including her RIGHT to have/not have a career. And, that, my folks, makes you a feminist.
Both do little good for the betterment of the society, the latter more so. Action speaks louder than words, but silence speaks loudest of all.”
To put it across clearly, as the anonymous person who made this statement in a public forum demanded, I identify myself as one of the ‘invisible’, ‘silent’ (not-very-well-versed-with-feminist-literature) feminists, who does not actually hate men.
To reiterate something that has been said a thousand times over, but actually listened to less often, feminism is a concept that aims to define, establish and defend women’s right to equality in political, social, economic and cultural aspects.
What do I feel about?
There are thousands of causes within the purview of feminism. For me, as a feminist and a victim (in lesser ways than many Indian women, though), the concept I resent is gender based discrimination against women, particularly in the largely patriarchal society of India.
India is one of the most sexist nations of the world, as shown by the latest gender inequality index. India ranks at 132/148, falling behind all Asian countries except Afghanistan. With this fact, I establish that some of the few liberated men and women in India, that you may or may not have come across, sadly, do not make up the majority.
Though there is nothing wrong with men being leaders, the problem is in assuming that men are leaders by default. The problem is when worthy, strong and intelligent women are denied the opportunity.
Has feminism eroded the family system?
I have found many people saying that feminism has eroded the family system.
But, what was the quintessential Indian family like before feminism made waves in India? Were people, particularly the women of the household, happy?
Was emotional/physical abuse absent?
Did wives dare walk out of troubled marriages?
Did men dare to own up their own abuse at the risk of being called “womanly”?
Did women not want to get educated, earn a living or want more financial/social independence?
Was it a healthy environment for the emotional, mental and physical growth of all members of the household, including the lowest in the family pecking order?
Did bride-burning, female infanticide, rape, sexual crime, dowry, purdah etc. not exist?
Cross your heart and say ‘yes’ to these if you are truly blind.
Does feminism uphold working women over homemakers?
Feminism is not a promotion propaganda for career women. It is meant to provide women the choice to work if they want to. It is meant to foster a culture that is supportive of both women and men in terms of removing gender stereotypes.
For instance, look at the corporate culture today. Largely male-driven, it fails to let employees strike a work-home balance, what with overtimes, working weekends, long hours etc. The prevailing patriarchal system does not actually expect men to make time for their families, which is sadly seen as a feminine preoccupation. Also, women in the households of these men typically take over the other side of life, therefore, providing a conducive backup for men to do pretty much whatever they please with their career and lives - be it transferable jobs, long working hours, field jobs, on-site, off-site etc. Men do not bear much social brunt for neglecting the household and familial aspect of their lives, although they do suffer emotionally.
Since the system does not recognize men’s needs to connect with their ‘softer’ sides, as in families and recreation etc., and because men are seen only as breadwinners in patriarchy, the workplace culture evolves in tandem with these ideals.
So, a woman who wants to work finds herself making the same compromises. But unlike men, the social stigma associated with a woman, who is making the same sacrifices on the family front as a man, is a gazillion times higher. A father who works weekends is hailed. A mother who works weekends is said to be a vamp who neglects the family.
Is this just the woman’s problem? Or is it something more significant and important to address for all of us -men and women?
Aren’t we depriving intelligent, aspiring, ambitious women of the opportunity to put their technical
skills to use for achieving parity with men who have similar skill and expertise level?
Have you ever tried staying at home while your heart ached to prove your skill to the world?
Let me tell you how they feel. People, not just women, forced to be a homemaker either by circumstance or by social expectations when they aspire for work that puts their technical skills to use, are pushed to insanity of the brain rot it gives them. These people don’t feel mentally motivated by household chores and family management alone.
For them, it’s a just a part of life, not the heart of it, just like a job alone isn’t the heart of one’s life. A retired parent of grandparent will usually tell you how much of a mental rut it is to stay home after a long and successful career life.
While people who have been in challenging jobs all their lives feel thus in old age, when one is supposed to be more sober, is it not unfair to expect ambitious women in the prime of their lives to be happy just being “provided for”? Please note I am only talking about women who make the conscious choice to work, and are denied the opportunity one way or the other.
Every woman, as a human being, is entitled to all worlds she may identify with and it is purely up to her whether or not she utilizes this entitlement.
On the other hand, being a homemaker isn’t free from discrimination.
How many homemakers are there who feel they could have some recognition or appreciation of their efforts from their families?
How many men actually appreciate the work of their wives?
In fact the very term ‘working women’ is a shame. Homemakers work equally hard.
Do you ‘antagonists of feminism’ ever appreciate the homemaker?
If you did, you would uphold her right to do what she wanted - including her RIGHT to have/not have a career. And, that, my folks, makes you a feminist.
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