Public interest message- Derogatory graffiti

Today I was returning home from office. Inside the first class compartment of the Chengalpattu fast local, in the ladies seats, a highly derogatory statement was scribbled in bold lettering just under the window:

"These six women (six seats in the ladies' section) will ****. They will **** a ************* for Rs. **** per night..."

Many ladies were already seated there, and so was I. Everyone was oblivious to that graffiti. But, our co-passengers in other seats were looking at it again and again.

I took pictures of it and lodged a complaint at the station with the station master. I urged him to have the graffiti erased. Of course, I noted down the coach and train number and retained my own ticket for the purpose of record.

I am posting it here because we as a nation have failed innumerable times to uphold the dignity of women. Misogyny and sexism are so prevalent that we have conditioned ourselves to accept them as a normal part of life.

I don't know how many people have complained about that graffiti before me, but I know one thing for sure- nothing has been done about it so far. I hope the authorities don't turn a blind eye to my written complaint.

Please spread this message to others and let public places be dignified enough for women.

Thousands of women sit in those six seats everyday. Any of those women can happen to be your friends, colleagues, mothers, sisters, daughters or wives.

It's a man's world!

It was just another of our usual long commute to office. We were in our car. The auxiliary cable of the player in the car was plugged into my husband’s mobile phone, playing out the songs from his collection. Much as his taste in music is a stark contrast to mine, I nevertheless decided to listen and open my mind up to a little more musical possibility.

Then came that song, “Senthamizh naatu thamizhachhiye, selai udtha thayangariye…”

(Oh Tamil lady of Tamil Nadu! You hesitate to wear a saree!) Pardon my miserable translation skills!

Now, it was the rush hour and I was already getting late for office (another usual). Being somewhat a champion of female rights (more out of self-interest than public), I was offended. I grudgingly wear salwar kameez to work because it is the least formal female attire permissible in my office. Given the chance, I would stick to jeans and tees all the time, much to the chagrin of my as-purely Tamil-as-pure-molten-gold Tamil family.

Call it guilt or rush hour irritation, I was quick to skip the song before it was heard audibly enough. The spouse wanted the song back on. And there it went…

The song mumbled something in Tamil (incomprehensible to me) before I caught on another line,

“…neechal udaiyil alaiyuriye..” (“You’re roaming in swimwear…” A not-so-subtle jest about her ‘exposing’ clothes)

“But why are YOU pissed? You don’t wear swimwear or short clothes anyway!” my husband pleaded.

He was right. There was nothing personally offensive about that song. I was just in one of my feminist moods. My mental argument said, “I don’t wear those clothes because I don’t have that figure, not because I SHOULDN’T! And, it isn’t as if you men embrace tradition by wearing dhoti all the time.”

I stormed out of the car near my office entrance and walked away fast without waving a bye to my poor guy.

My thoughts raced to all the other female-bashing songs.

“Inniku sirippa nalaiki moraippa innuvum irukudhada…” (She’ll smile today and she’ll frown tomorrow. There is more to it than just this.)

Why is it that there are just too many Tamil film songs poking fun of women, especially condemning them for ditching their boyfriends? I married my boyfriend.

“Kandhasamy, Kuppusamy, Karuppusamy, Madasamy kalyanam kattikitango

(something incomprehensible again) thappu nu othukitango…”

(Kandhasamy etc. are common Tamil male names. “They married and some time later admitted that they had made a mistake”)

Why are there so many Tamil film songs delineating the woes of married men suffering at the hands of their domineering wives? Clearly, after sacrificing our lives with our parents and siblings, our freedom to dress, eat, sleep, talk, go out, make friends and behave just as we please, our figures and dress sizes, our late mornings and late nights, our plans on if, whether and when we want to have children, and for many of us, our rights to concentrate on and have a flourishing career, we; women, are certainly the worst affected half in any marriage.

What is it that the men are whining about then? They get to smoke, drink, go out with their friends, scream at their wives, complain about the food, keep their jobs, buy what they like, be pampered (read spoon-fed) by both their parents and wives, have kids when they please…heck, they don’t even menstruate, leave alone battle menopause when your spouse is sexually alive, about and kicking!

I knew of course, that men too would have an equally bitter story to tell, given the chance. After all, who got punished in school when the girls in the class chattered? Who didn’t make it to a prestigious institution because a girl got it through women’s quota? Who stands up for women in buses and trains, only to be looked at as a potential rapist? Who is the referee between endless saas-bahu (mother-in-law and daughter-in-law) battles? Yes, I do know they have their own half to complete this miserable sphere of gender bias.

But, there was a male lyricist somewhere to unleash their frustration with all these female-bashing songs. How many Tamil film songs, or any song for that matter, do you see with a significant amount of realistic male-bashing? There is one too many a joke about a wife emptying her husband’s coffers with indiscriminate shopping (No, I am not a shopaholic. Besides, I mostly buy only from my own income.), but how many jokes are there about a husband forever cooped up in a bar or a pub or with his friends over a random cricket or football game instead of coming home early to his wife for once?

Why “Why this kolaveri da…” didn’t make it as the top chartbuster? Why the very few male-bashing songs there are are, too weak to offset the humorous, lyrical, and hit-the-nail quality of female-bashing songs? Aren’t there enough good female lyricists? Or do they simply have better things to pen than men (That rhymed, yes!)? Why can’t a good male lyricist put aside his veil of ego and gender bias aside for a while and compose songs that strike the chord with the ‘fair’ side of humanity? Why, oh why, oh, why???

That evening I climbed back into the car. My man and I had made peace and gotten over this pointless argument. We mutually agreed that I was irritated only because of my rush hour stress. Just as we smiled and turned the FM on,

“Indha ponnungale ippadidhan therinju pochu daa…”  (These girls are only like this…we know it now…)

Sound of laughter. Sound of forehead slapping.

I need not say who won that day!

Mother's love rolls out 50 parathas!

I just came across a post on a popular website in a response to this question:

"What are some of the things peculiar to India?"

Amidst a truckload of India-bashing, this post was a simple one. It showed a picture of steaming hot parathas with the byline: Mother making 50 parathas for the entire family and still not complaining about the pain in her wrists.

I know, most of you, including I, would delve into a "I love you mom" saga, proclaiming how we miss "home-cooked" food. Yes, I do! I absolutely adore what my mom manages to whip up on the fire and I can match up to only 70% of that taste, doing myself some exaggerated justice with the percentage. No, people, that isn't the point at all. If you don't want to understand the real picture, please do us all a favor and read no further.

This picture of an "Indian mom", something we would all agree in unison with, is by no means comparable with the status of mothers/women all around the world or probably even in more liberated households in India. "Making 50 parathas without complaining" isn't an achievement. It is a shame! It is disgusting to note that while the woman slogged in the kitchen, the rest of the family was just doing whatever, and my bet is, it's nothing productive for the household. The complaint about the pain in her wrists is secondary! The feeling of working too hard without having any quality time for yourself, your health, your entertainment or anything remotely associated with yourself is a violation of basic human rights.

We have to remind ourselves that for every luxury we have availed in the comfort of our homes, our mom was sacrificing her basic rights as a human being. No, please don't shower "I respect mom" here. Instead promise yourself that you will never let this happen again to any woman you know, including yourself.

This picture of an "Indian mom" is mostly upheld not for making us understand her troubles, but so that we can show and persuade the present and future generations of women to live life the same pathetic way. The people who boast proudly about this "Indian mom" are the very people who down those 50 parathas with a loud burp and watch TV thereafter, while the poor woman cleans up all by herself and eats whatever is left.

This picture of an "Indian mom" is the restrictive sexist mentality we have fostered for eras together. This is the quintessential Indian woman. There is no other way for a respectable Indian woman to live. Oh sorry, it isn't the Indian woman alone, it is for any woman. Women from other countries are a curse upon this planet because they don't live this way. She may be the CEO of Microsoft or the founder of Biocon but unless she can make 50 parathas or more without a whimper of a complaint, she is no woman. Oh yes, those 50 parathas are a testimony to her character and her benchmark for respectability. Admiration? Maybe, but that's rare. Odds are, one of those 50 parathas got slightly singed-- there goes "admiration" down the drain.

This picture of an "Indian mom" shows our hypocrisy and self-assured ego for possessing the finest culture, family women in the world. An American mom can hardly match up, even if she singlehandedly cooks up 50-60 pancakes along with other dishes for her kid's birthday party, handles a 9-5 job, and is single. Maybe an Italian mother may bake 50 pizzas, run her bakery and still feed her children. This doesn't make the cut. It's because most of these "foreign" women usually give back the shit they take from others. The very lack of this quality is what makes Indian women special to many patriarchs today. The "Indian woman" submissively nods to everything she is told to.

This picture of an "Indian mom" explains why Indian women are the best in the universe. No other mom from any other country can actually match up to her. Apparently, foreign moms don't cook---like a man actually claimed beneath the post. I am surprised how dishes like Mousse au chocolat, Sandwiches, Pizzas, Pastas, Risotto, Sushi etc. came to exist if there was no Indian mom to cook them. Of course, foreign children and husbands survive on thin air, don't they? Much as we love our Indian cuisine, anything Indian is grossly overrated, including Indian moms.

Can't a woman love her family without cooking and cleaning for them? Can't she live a life that is more self-fulfilling than being the epitome of selfless sacrifice? Can't the average Indian woman's wrists ache due to endless typing, ploughing or doing whatever than rolling out 50 parathas? Can't we put aside our liberties for once and try to repaint this picture of the "Indian mom"? It really isn't asking for much. It is simply giving back to your mom what you took from her.

A letter for job rejection

I had attended an interview once, for a "Life Science Fresher" requirement. The agency putting up this notice was a recruitment agency which was trying to fill up vacancies for a famous hospital in Chennai. After going all the way to the agency, through an interview, acing the aptitude test and making innumerable phone calls to the agency, I ended up getting told that the hospital needed people with experience. Please note, this was a "Fresher" notice and those agency people had received my CV before they called me for an interview. Regardless, they still made me come all the way.

Naturally, I was fuming. Deciding not to be let down so unceremoniously, I decided to give it back to them. Here is a copy of my e-mail to the hospital head which was also cc'd to the agency heads and executives.

Dear sir,

I am a postgraduate in Forensic Science with a specialization in Toxicology and Chemistry. I had applied to your institution via XYZ agency, with regard to the advertisement they put up on SITE. I am posting the url here for your kind consideration and perusal.

URL

I attended an interview for the same, wrote the aptitude test and was duly asked to submit my resume. Later, after two days I am told that the post requires an experience of at least 1-3 years. The advertisement above clearly states "LIFE SCIENCE FRESHER" 0-2 yrs. Unless there is a different definition of what a fresher is, I suppose it is someone who has just finished college and has NO EXPERIENCE. If putting up this advertisement was justified, the consultancy you hired for your purpose could have clarified the fine print of this respectable post when I called them, not once or twice but several times.

After attending this interview and while their staff maintained their amicable silence over the real state of affairs, I was told to e-mail my CV to ABC which I immediately did. I was told to call on a phone number immediately after that, which by the way, is forever not-reachable. I made the mistake of assuming that when one runs a company, one must make sure that their gadgets WORK.

When by hook or crook, I somehow was able to reach their highly respectable staff, I was told that I would be e-mailed my interview feedback. To date I have received no such e-mail. What more, an excuse of this highly tedious and life-threatening work was carried out via an SMS, telling me to call immediately at some given numbers. I am sure that nobody encourages their employees to keep scouring their personal phones for text messages from unknown numbers when there is plenty of work at hand.

When finally, I was able to reach them yesterday, I am told that this job requires 1-3 years of experience. I and several other young people like me would be immensely glad if the next time your respectable hospital put up any vacancies in a consultancy, they kindly indicate clearly whether they need FRESHERS or experienced personnel. With this precious "mistake" it has wasted my time, money and put my current employment in jeopardy. It is not much that I ask. It is one of the very basic humanitarian acts. There are others who sweat and toil in the sun and come all the way, only to be told after several grueling formalities later that they cannot have that job. They lead a tougher life. They may not be this persevering.

I understand that this mail is not of much consequence, considering the fact that I may never be able to get a position anywhere in any hospital, since it is demanded that we have years of relevant experience. I like many other youth of this country, have wasted my life trying to study hard and well, only never to get a job, because a job requires experience and to my ill-luck for experience I need a relevant job first.

Whether it was the same on the other end, I know not, but it was a pleasure e-mailing you, sir.

Yours sincerely and crushed,
Poorvisha Ravi

Needless to say I never got a reply ever.

Why compulsively sad people get away with it?

The common theme among the brethren, when one walks into the completely contrasting scenarios of bar or a temple has to be one of these three- happiness; as in a celebration, or an affliction or sometimes trudging a grey line between these two-a moderation of both. Though everyone’s life necessarily has its own share of ups and downs, what everyone wishes for is to absolve one’s life of all “suffering” and bestow only happiness upon their existence.

However, erasing one’s life of all suffering is contradictory to what people have been emotionally and mentally investing in. Ask anyone, and more often than not, you will find people being only just mildly cheerful for whatever little happiness they have, but make their woes to appear far more phenomenal in their emotional and motivational weightage than their joys in life. Why is it that tragedies sell? Why is it that when you hear someone talk about how endowed they are, it sounds boastful but when one rambles about their grief, it elicits sympathy? You seldom find psychiatric disorders which concern concealment of happiness, but it’s rather the negative feelings that need sharing. Potentially, there are a couple of insights into why grief is so attractive.

1. The Anti-hero phenomenon: I suffered so I can do wrong!

The anti hero phenomenon explains why we simply cannot hate heroes with villainous traits to them or vice versa. The anti-hero is supposed to be a virtuoso, though he contradicts it all with his seemingly not-so-righteous deeds. This person is the good hearted gangster, the philanthropic drug lord or the corrupt entrepreneur who gives a means of life to millions of poor people. The mythological anti-hero, Karna from Mahabharata earns a celestial stool in heaven despite being hand in glove with the purportedly evil Kauravas, because as a person, he is philanthropic, generous and righteous. The tragedy of being abandoned by his own mother upon his birth and being disgraced because of his lowly upbringing by the good guys vis. The Pandavas, on a ground where only sportsmanship and prowess should have been regarded, form the core reason for his being on the wrong side. Karna’s apparent wrongdoing, therefore, is justified by his suffering at the hands of those who should have given him justice.

On a negative note, however, modern equivalents find excuses for their faults and follies in the suffering they’ve had in the past, which they mentally or even openly claim, influence their decision making. On an extreme level we may even automate sympathy towards a psychopathic serial killer with a snaking queue of deceased victims, only because he was sexually and physically abused as a child. This is the kind of power that the thought of suffering wields. They might have sinned, but because they were wretched victims of fate, they must originally have been righteous souls and hence, worthy of love. Going by movies like The Godfather, Deewar, Agneepath etc. it is a hopelessly attractive role to don in real life as well.

In day to day life these anti-heroes are often seen as lousy mouthed angry young people, the nicotine/weed/alcohol addicted teenager, the surly faced harsh tongued lady, or even your hot tempered boss. More often than not, their apparent “struggle” in life is made to compensate for their obvious faults. The rest of us are supposed to put up with them lest we not aggrieve these desolate souls further with our rightful rebellions against their inacceptable manner.

Category: Lovable Villains, Excuse Makers

2. The Deserving Phenomenon: I suffered for this and you didn’t, so I deserve it more!

In an era when competition is more cut-throat than dacoits, one’s hardships become the yardstick to determine whether they are likely to match upto any challenges imposed by the world in the future. The more their suffering, the more they have overcome and lived to tell the story, the more they deserve the happiness that has come along. People who were leading fulfilled lives before do not deserve to be happy anymore.

You will often find these people putting you down thus, “You got this just like a piece of cake. What do you know of its value and whether you deserve it or not? I do...I struggled against............”

The truth however is that, struggle is hardly a measure of whether one deserving of something or not. Some get a degree, qualify written exams and get into a job. Some start at the ground level, work like an ox and get the dream position. It is often wrongly assumed that the latter, due to hard work and dedication are the only ones deserving of this position. For their suffering deems it so. The educated idiot just fooled his way inside. So what if he taxed his brains to study for years. So what is he was born brainy in the first place, a privilege that ‘deserving’ masses were not bestowed with. He was brainy and could study because he is a rich twit who has seen no suffering. Talent somehow is always undermined in the face of ‘hard work’ and ‘toiling hard under the scorching sun’.

Ask any IIT student what it means to balance school and coaching classes in an age when most youngsters are enjoying themselves at the beach or going on a month long holiday with their friends. Oh yes, they didn’t push wheelbarrows full of wheat to make their living. But it wasn't required anyway. So just stop complaining.

Category: Fierce Competitors, Losers, Condescending People

3. The Showcase Phenomenon: I suffered, so please lavish your attention on me!

You have a good job, a happy family, nice kids and a decent amount of savings. Congratulations, you’re one of the several thousands of people in the world living the widely accepted idea of a happy life. You’re the picture of an average happy family shown in TV commercials. Read the word average...still happy?

People wishing to showcase their life need just a little more than being the average happy person. They have an inherent need for attention and fame. They are not Tom Cruise or Bill Gates or Stephen Hawking, but they need the fame that accompanies these people, at least in their own small world. What would you do? Read point number one and two to understand the inherent love for suffering in humans.

Showcasing suffering is the quickest way to earn sympathy.

“Yes I have happy everything, but within the microcosm of my life, a particular microscopic particle is missing and I suffer day and night because of it. I laugh my arse off at Jim Carrey movies just so that I can cover up my profound inexistent grief. Oh my spouse has no clue what I went through to get here (traces of Deserving phenomenon). All these years, I told no one but with you I felt I can finally let myself go (repeated to at least a hundred different people).”

This is what most old people who didn’t care to make themselves independent while they were still capable, do to gather the attention of other fellow members of their generation. This is usually accompanied with mutual sharing of arthritic or cardiac complaints. The showcase phenomenon is also thrust before unsuspecting grandchildren and attempts made to turn them away from their parents (Deserving phenomenon- because grandpa suffered more than dad did, he deserves more love and affection from me.) This is a useful tool employed by immature boys and girls to attract the attention of prospective dates. They simply put up facebook statuses proclaiming their ‘grief’, usually due to a broken relationship that was already half baked. Just see the likes and comments pouring in, without having to ever use a pick up line or bravely approach your crush.

Category: Attention Seekers

4. Stalling off envy: Oh you don’t want to live my life, I suffer so much.

I had a classmate who topped the class every single time. The rest of us mere mortals would finish our examination and step out of the hall only to find her deeply immersed in a book or a quiet conversation with her group. We would ask her with a cheerful intent,

“Hey, how did it go?”

“Oh don’t ask me... terrible...I doubt it if I will even pass...”

“It couldn’t have been that bad. I did fine, so you must have done better...”

“You have brains girl, you can pull it off. I didn’t even study for the examination.”

“Ah, nobody does that anyway. So what did you write in question number 8?”

“I wrote nothing. I wrote utter crap.”

“Well, it was fine for me. But I could manage just 500 words and that question was worth 10 marks. I doubt whether I would get 8.”

“Oh god, don’t even ask me, I wrote JUST 15 pages. It’s all crap. I am not even going to get a 1 or 2.”

We would walk away, only to see her score a 90 percent in that paper. People use grief similarly. Praise their new haircut, they complain about their hair loss. Tell someone how active they seem, they complain about their arthritis. Congratulate someone on their graduation, they tell you how worried they are they won’t get a job. They have to make sure you are always concerned for their well being and praying to god to alleviate their problems when they don’t even have any. Their theory- success attracts envy, failure attracts other losers to pray for you. These people despite their edges, do not get far in life, because one day, the losers always wake up to the fact that they’re been taken for a ride. These people are then looked down upon as fake and eventually abandoned.

Category: Concern Seekers, Wily, Cunning

5. The Shut-up Phenomenon: You think you know a lot... what do you know about grief? I do!

A random conversation steering towards an argument,

“Two plus two is four.”

“Of course not, it is five.”

“Think rationally, it is four, I can prove it to you.”

“I don’t need any proof. You doubt me? Don’t even dare you moron! It is five.”

“Okay let’s ask someone else. Hey what is two plus two?”

Someone says, “Four.”

“See! I told you. It is four. You are wrong.”

“I? I am wrong?” Bursts into tears. “You have any idea how hard I worked to find out that two plus two is five.”

“Hey...don’t cry...I didn’t mean to...”

“You know I spent my entire pocket money to buy you a gift. And you accuse me...”

“Hell no, I am not accusing you but...”

“What else can there be? You cannot agree with me for a simple thing such as two plus two. I have suffered so much. It was only your addition to my grief that was missing.”

“Uh...please...okay...it is five.”

“No, I don’t want to force you...don’t worry about me, I have suffered like this all life...”

“No. It is okay. Two plus two is five. Period.”

This is a common method employed by many overbearing parents to convince their children to choose a career or a spouse of their choices. The shut-up phenomenon is best seen in emotional blackmail. To flash your apparent suffering and force the other person’s rational mind to morph into an emotional saga is the best weapon to employ when you have no logical argument to support your claims. Rationale doesn’t accept unreasonable demands. Emotion does. These people are necessarily stubborn people who always have to get what they want, even at the cost of others’ happiness.

Category: Stubborn, Demanding, Domineering, Illogical

Emotions are just our responses to phases of life, not meant to be used as tools for ulterior motives. The next time you flash your suffering or grief, think about why you’re doing it. If you feel it beyond your self control, cry your heart out. If you find yourself fitting into any of the above categories, go to a shrink right away. If you find someone else fitting into the above categories, send them to one or run away as fast as you can!

Worst home interior faux pas

Home is where the heart is. True, as we do put our hearts into making our house a home. But sometimes we may get it all wrong. From wacky wallpapers and impractical furniture arrangements to a blatant display of religious fervor in the living room, people easily ignore the thin line between flamboyant and creative to pure crazy. Here are some worst home interior mistakes ever made, so you never repeat them:

God strikes!

Image Courtesy: Omwoods

We Indians have a rich culture, mythology and a great devotion towards gods - all the 3000 crores in our collective consciousness. To show your religiosity is one thing. To flaunt you’re theistic zeal so strongly that your guests find your home too pious to enter, is another thing entirely.

If you really want to add a touch of divinity to your home, two to three pictures or idols of gods in your living room are enough. They are best spaced apart and not clustered together, so that they do not appear too overpowering.

Image Courtesy: Etsy

You may place a flower pot, a conch shell or a rosary near a religious idol, depending on the suitability. This will identify the religious space without being too overwhelming. Keep them where others may not knock them over or bump into them.

If you have too many religious idols and photographs, arrange them all neatly in the prayer room of your house if you have one. Otherwise, isolate some space in your house (not in the living room) to pray in peace. Most of us have a separate prayer room in our homes, so utilize that space well.

The same rule applies for family photographs and knick knacks. Too much on display is never a good idea.

Theme overboard!

Image Courtesy: Out There Interiors

To have a house that is straight out of your little girl’s school uniform is definitely not going to be welcoming. Using the same colour or worse, the same tacky pattern for the entire room has an enormous number of downsides. To pick a few:

1. You have to strain hard to even see the lampshade.

2. The only remarkable thing will be the print/colour screaming in your face. Was that vintage furniture? Sorry I didn't notice it.

3. Soon, you will start to see how much of an eyesore the print/colour really is.

4. You will pay through your nose to renovate as EVERY SINGLE THING is in the same hideous colour.

Interior designers strictly warn against going “matching-matching’ with your home décor. People often mistake the interior theme to be a monotonously unvarying set up. An interior theme comprises of just a few elements that have something in common. It is not what the entire room is about.

Clutter caution!

Image Courtesy: Yala Sofa

This living room looks just fine per se doesn’t it? Well, try walking around inside this living room without tripping or knocking something over. From the flood of furniture and the numerous cushions on the couch that leave little space to sit to the open violation of the rule on the number of pictures, there is too much going on in this tiny room all at once. Get out before your head takes a spin.

A home is better off not looking like a home furniture and décor store. Before you decorate, move about the room and see where you can place anything without it being an obvious hindrance. I modify the Murphy’s Law to say that “If anything can be knocked over, it will be.” Multiply this factor by a thousand if there are kids or old people in the house.

Steer clear of tacky!

Image Courtesy: Business Insider

I saw this tagged under ‘kids’ rooms’. Unless you want your kid to get a migraine attack, revamp this theme at once. A riot of completely contrasting colours at too bright hues is plain tacky. There is no other verdict to it. Avoid it like the plague!

And now to the one décor embarrassment that tops my list:

Bathroom blues!



Image Courtesy: Apartment Therapy

Now that’s a perfectly built modular kitchen. Wait…what!!!??? Is that a toilet inside a kitchen?????

I have actually heard home owners justify this so called “Vaastu” position of the toilet with the belief that it brings in good luck. The only thing it brings is germs, unpleasant sounds, embarrassment and something that smells like food eaten a day back. You don’t want all that in your gourmet dinner, if there still is someone who hasn’t left already with disgust plastered across their face.

The only solution I can suggest it to wall up the bathroom right away and construct another door.

How to avoid décor faux pas:

When in doubt, stick to plain, uncomplicated stuff. It could be boring, but at least it won’t send you heading to the ophthalmologist and your family to the shrink.

And if you have any doubts, read this article. I am sure you will change your mind for good.

Seen any crazy home interior faux pas?

How to hang a painting

You may be able to tell apart a Duvet from a Monet, but it doesn’t quite hit the nail on the head when it comes to hanging up your art collection. Ladies of yore were quite the art connoisseurs, especially if they had a good old man to buy it for them and proudly display their acquisition in their living room. Today, thanks to reinforced concrete walls and the concrete wills of men against doing anything concrete, the fine art of hanging a painting costs more than the painting itself.

However, not all is lost. For people who have more paintings than the walls in their house, it is wise to invest a little in the right tools to hang up a painting so that you don’t have to call in the carpenter yet again or bribe your man into doing it for you.

But before you go striking away a nail into that wall, there are a few things to ensure:

·         The first one is simple. Does it look good on the wall or is it an unnecessary addition? Sometimes a simple wall is all you need.

·         Will putting up the painting on that particular wall let it have sufficient emphasis and attention? You put up a painting for the world to see. Make sure it is seen. Do not put up a painting on some non-descript location behind a door or a shelf.

·         Some paintings have to be sufficiently illuminated for their beauty to come out. Will there be enough natural light for this purpose or can you put up artificial lighting? Remember than some paintings are sensitive to sunlight and humidity so you might need to shield them away from these elements. What more, some paintings even need an air conditioned atmosphere in order to last long.

·         How high will you hang the painting? Ideally most paintings are hung at eye level, so that they can be best appreciated. Some large paintings can be hung higher up too. Never hang a painting so low that your neighbourhood kid uses it as a headrest.

·         Check for the spacing, alignment and direction in which you intend to hang the painting. This is more important if you’re planning to hang more paintings, either on the same wall or the corresponding wall.

·         If you really care about Vaastu, Feng Shui etc., now is the time to identify which position is the best to hang a picture in order to derive maximum benefits out of it, say, the picture of a waterfall or a mountain hung facing a particular direction to create a calming atmosphere.

·         I wouldn’t do it, but here it is anyway! Ask the people in your home where they think it should be hanged. I am sure you will end up never hanging it after all, but democracy has its own benefits. Chances are your teenage daughter may want it and you may be able to negotiate with her or your man to do the honors of hanging it up. Phew!

·         Mark the chosen places with a pencil, keeping in mind the number of nails you have to strike in for each painting.

Basically, there are three ways to hang up paintings:

The Nail and the Hammer:

The old fashioned method is time consuming and perilous for your not-so-deft hands, if they are indeed not-so-deft hands. But it is actually easy.

·         Take a nail. The nail should be thick enough to withstand the weight of the painting. Make sure the nail head fits the hook of the painting. At least about 3/4ths of the nail should be inside the wall, so pick the right length of the nail.

·         Place it at a point directly in line with your eye level. I assume you have the good sense to use a ladder in case you don’t stand as tall as where you want your painting to be.

·         An inane mention again, but necessary. Please do keep the pointed end of the nail towards the wall only.

·         Take a hammer. (Did you take it along when you climbed the ladder? I hope you did!)

·         Hold the nail in the middle of its shaft. Strike the nail head with the hammer. The force applied by you must be perpendicular to the wall, that is, it must be along the direction of the nail. Any minor deflection and the nail bends or breaks.

·         Make small repeated strikes, forceful enough to move the nail into the wall but not too strong yet. When you’re holding the nail shaft in the middle, you will be able to feel it moving into the wall. Repeat this until at least the tip of the nail is embedded into the wall.

·         Take your fingers off the nail shaft. Now strike in the same direction, but more strongly to drive the nail further inside the wall.

·         Sometimes the nail may bend. Just lightly strike it back into shape.

·         Drive the nail in deep so that only enough of it is projected to fit the painting’s hook. In essence, the length of the nail projected must be equal to the distance between the hook and the base of the painting.

·         For safety, you may strike the projected part of the nail from the bottom so that it is slightly bent upwards. This tilt will ensure that the painting’s hook fits the nail head snugly and doesn’t come out easily.

·         You may use a screw instead of a nail. The grooves on the screw are lodged stronger inside the wall than smooth nails.

The Electric Drill:

I have a Bosch electric drill at home. Provided you know how to use them, electric drills are indispensable at home for a variety of purposes, including driving nails inside the wall. Some walls are difficult to hammer into, so, drills come in handy to make the job easier. Some drills even let you directly drive the nail inside or lodge the screw.

For basics, the electric drill has a few important parts:

The drill bit is the actual part which interacts with the wall. Drill bits are usually made of high impact steel or cast iron and coated with titanium, zirconium or tungsten to withstand impact and heat. Depending on the usage, they are of several sizes, shapes, widths etc.

The chuck is attached to the drilling machine and is used to grip this drill bit at its shank.

The drill bit has spiraling grooves on its surface. The drill when switched on rotates and causes the drill bit to bore into the target surface in a screw like mechanism, thus creating a hole.

The rate of rotation can be adjusted near the chuck with a torque adjustment knob. Drills come with triggers for switching on the drilling and also have reverse buttons for reversing the direction of rotation of the drill bit. Some drills come with hammering features. In this, the drill bit in addition to rotating, also moves forward and backward as if it were being used as a hammer.

Coming back to paintings, this is how I do it:

·         Select the right drill bit. Remember how you chose the nail for the painting. The drill bit’s diameter is the same as your nail or lesser and it is shorter than your nail. You can also stop drilling midway when you have bored deep enough, but it is much easier to adjust the drill bit length at the chuck.

·         Hold the drill’s arm like a gun. Then, position another hand beneath the main drill behind the chuck. This will give you better leverage, especially since the drill is going to be operating at a high speed and force.

·         Position the drill bit at the right point, perpendicular to the surface. Switch on the trigger. Drill deep enough as required and switch off. In case the wall is too strong, increase the force or add the hammering action. The user manual of your drill will be more instructive for you choose these parameters in different drills.

·         Hammer in a plastic wall plug. Wall plugs are shaped look like small grooved cones. These once inserted into the hole created by the drill, can hold in the screw stronger. These are especially useful for thicker screws. Alternatively, you may also hammer in a chip of wood or cardboard into the drilled hole.

·         Hammer in the nail or the screw into the wall plug. The grip is tighter and stronger. Follow the rest of the instructions for driving in nails inside a wall.

Stick on pegs:

I have had a bad experience with a precious painting of mine getting shattered on the floor thanks to a peg getting detached days after I hung the painting on it. Stick on pegs look strong when you first hang something, then deceive you when you least expect it. From my experience, they do not withstand much weight and are good only for hanging up a lightweight calendar. However, for hanging light things like your kid’s cartoon, especially in a rented house, stick-on pegs are handy. Start using them only at least two hours after you stick them on the wall. Never try to reuse a detached peg.

Now that you have done the necessary, do not forget to hang up the painting, flop down on a couch with a cup of hot chocolate and admire your handiwork. You may not have painted it, but you have mastered the art of hanging up one, and believe me, that makes you great!

How I ran for my health last Saturday

This Saturday, I decided to do something worthwhile instead of listlessly staring at the TV. Shamed into submission by my bulging tummy fat, I got into a pair or tracks and sneakers and headed off to the local park for an hour long session of running. Now, there were a couple of challenges. I wish to share here how I was able to combat them.
Despite having a good speed and muscular strength, enough to fare well in 800 m and 3000 m cross country races, I always run out of breath, courtesy, asthma attacks. Asthma, being a genetic problem, dampens my stamina every time I push my muscles to the brink. If I prolong the punishment, the wheezing sticks on for a week, till I pump out asthma inhalers. To beat breathlessness and build stamina, I discovered this trick.

• Start with a normal paced walk and as you gain momentum, progress to a brisk walk.
• Walk briskly till you feel your body warming up. There is no time limit to this as different people have different thresholds. Warming up is essential as suddenly doing vigorous exercise such as running is likely to give you soreness and sprains. You may also stretch your body for warm ups.
• After the warm up, start your run. Run at a moderate pace and not to your full capacity. Remember that it’s stamina not speed that lasts in a marathon (Slow and steady wins the race)!
• Run till you just start getting breathless. Again this is a variable factor. For me, two rounds in the park, which amounts to some 400 m, did the trick.  Slow down into a brisk walk.
• Walk at a moderate speed or slow speed till you catch your breath. DO NOT SIT DOWN OR STOP. It will only serve to aggravate tiredness and you will lose the will to continue. At this stage I started feeling the constricting sensation of wheezing. I combined a brisk walk with deep breathing exercises.
• A couple of rounds later, you will start breathing normally. Continue for a few more steps. Start running again. This time I was not able to run the same distance as I ran first, and got breathless faster. Repeat the do.
• After several rounds of alternating a run-walk routine, I noticed that the amount of time that it took me to regain my breath after a run reduced progressively with the number of cycles I followed. Cutting down recovery time meant my run sequences became less prolonged but more frequent. The exercise graph was interspersed with peaks, increasingly becoming closely spaced.

The Chemistry:
The advantage of the walk breather is that you get sufficient time to pump enough oxygen into your muscles. Prolonged runs deplete your oxygen levels. In an anaerobic environment, food burns to produce lactic acid in the muscles, leading to muscular fatigue. On the other hand, my workout allowed aerobic exercise, which allowed me to make optimum use of my energy. The breathers ensured that I didn’t end up wheezing.

The Effect:
I felt fresh and energized. Some good breaths of fresh air eased my stiffened lungs. I ate better. The best part is; despite not having exercised like this for months, I experienced no pain in my legs or body, because the exercise was highly balanced in its approach. I am motivated to do it the next weekend as well. Weight loss or not, I like the immediate refreshment it gives.
Do you have a story to tell?