Girlfriend and her sister - Buy one get one free

I personally think, or rather, used to think that Snapdeal was doing fairly okay until I saw their latest ad.

I'm unable to find the link, but the ad goes something like this.

A man is staring at his phone while going on about how his girlfriend's sister is so cute she comes along everywhere they go. And how it is so similar to Snapdeal's buy one get one free offer. Wonder if Snapdeal has started offering wives'/girlfriends'/partners' sisters along for 'use' by the consumer. Wonder if they have to really stoop down to such levels to sell their website. I used to buy from Snapdeal but now, I have lost all respect for the company.

Most readers will not even find the ad offensive. Some of you will flood my inbox saying, "Gee, be chill, this is just an ad, that's all..."

Just an ad categorizing women as products to be availed of when buy one get one free offer is available. Men are free too access their wives'/girlfriends'/partners' sisters under this offer. JUST AN AD.,

Yes, this is as chill as several years ago, purdah and not educating women were also quite acceptable. What's the whole fuss about? Gee, it's JUST SOME PRACTICES isn't it?

Dehumanizing women as products to be 'available for free' is NOT OKAY.

Those who find this ad 'just an ad' are either too conditioned to live with gender discrimination, sexism and gender stereotypes, or are the beneficiaries of such practices, such as the 'consumers' availing the 'buy one get one free girlfriend' offer.

The world has progressed steadily since the days of purdah and sati but sexism still prevails. Then, it was,

"Saali aadhi gharwaali" (Wife's sister is half wife)

Ironically, the husband's brother is supposed to be like the wife's son. Even in gender stereotyping, these sexists do not play fair.

This society is giving out a clear message to everyone, "Do what you want, we aren't going to stop treating women as substandard human beings or objects to be sold, bought and even gleefully obtained on an offer." Just like buying old clothes from a thrift store.

Yet another classic example of objectification of women getting away scott free. Only this time, people will be criticizing me and several other women for not being game and taking this as JUST AN AD.

Just an ad where they have sold my dignity as a woman to be a product instead - to be bought and sold on discount.

Reveling in our unruliness

When I first heard about the Delhi Zoo incident, my first instinct was neither fear, nor pity, nor horror - it was curiosity. This could be because I am somewhat hardened by working with human viscera samples, witnessing autopsies and watching thriller movies so much.

When I finally saw the video, I started thinking if it was apathy - that unbreakable feeling which pervades through all of us. I can specifically talk about the apathy of Indians.

We see children begging on the streets and we know all possible explanations for this - organized crime, genuine poverty, abandonment. Some of us give out our spare change. Some of us walk away understanding that beggary must not be encouraged.

Not many of us care to spare a couple of minutes to rehabilitate the child. I don't. I know I cannot afford it.

Possibly this apathy is the reason we have a blatant disregard for anything designed to make human life civilized. From spitting paan on sidewalks to public urination, it's not that we don't know - we in our collective lack of sensitivity to civilized behavior choose to disregard education and simply stick to literacy - the stuff that will get us jobs and feed our families.

Maybe in this disregard for education in favor of the skeletal literacy, people chose to ignore the clear signs in zoos that say not to disturb animals nor jump enclosures.

Maybe this apathy and curiosity in place of genuine empathy and presence of mind, people pelted stones and provoked an otherwise calm white tiger into attacking the hapless man.

Maybe we were so uncaring and more interested in the hysteria than actually saving the man when the incident was calmly and clearly filmed - including the gory details.

As Rory Young, a wildlife expert who has spent a lot of time with big cats in Africa put it, the white tiger was calm for fifteen whole minutes. Were it attacking in defence, it would have done so right away.

Were it attacking out of its killer instinct, it would have done so after a minute or so after playing around with the poor man.

But as the video shows and as was reported, it attacked after the mob started pelting it with stones. People's unrelenting curiosity and apathy of the real situation prompted them to do so - costing a hapless man his life so dearly.

I so wish we were educated instead of being literate.

The truth about feminism

“Feminists are of two types: the loud, liberal, outspoken one who hates men, and the silent, rational, inexistent one who does not hate men.

Both do little good for the betterment of the society, the latter more so. Action speaks louder than words, but silence speaks loudest of all.”

To put it across clearly, as the anonymous person who made this statement in a public forum demanded, I identify myself as one of the ‘invisible’, ‘silent’ (not-very-well-versed-with-feminist-literature) feminists, who does not actually hate men.

To reiterate something that has been said a thousand times over, but actually listened to less often, feminism is a concept that aims to define, establish and defend women’s right to equality in political, social, economic and cultural aspects.

What do I feel about?

There are thousands of causes within the purview of feminism. For me, as a feminist and a victim (in lesser ways than many Indian women, though), the concept I resent is gender based discrimination against women, particularly in the largely patriarchal society of India.

India is one of the most sexist nations of the world, as shown by the latest gender inequality index. India ranks at 132/148, falling behind all Asian countries except Afghanistan. With this fact, I establish that some of the few liberated men and women in India, that you may or may not have come across, sadly, do not make up the majority.

Though there is nothing wrong with men being leaders, the problem is in assuming that men are leaders by default. The problem is when worthy, strong and intelligent women are denied the opportunity.

Has feminism eroded the family system?

I have found many people saying that feminism has eroded the family system.

But, what was the quintessential Indian family like before feminism made waves in India? Were people, particularly the women of the household, happy?

Was emotional/physical abuse absent?

Did wives dare walk out of troubled marriages?

Did men dare to own up their own abuse at the risk of being called “womanly”?

Did women not want to get educated, earn a living or want more financial/social independence?

Was it a healthy environment for the emotional, mental and physical growth of all members of the household, including the lowest in the family pecking order?

Did bride-burning, female infanticide, rape, sexual crime, dowry, purdah etc. not exist?

Cross your heart and say ‘yes’ to these if you are truly blind.

Does feminism uphold working women over homemakers?

Feminism is not a promotion propaganda for career women. It is meant to provide women the choice to work if they want to. It is meant to foster a culture that is supportive of both women and men in terms of removing gender stereotypes.

For instance, look at the corporate culture today. Largely male-driven, it fails to let employees strike a work-home balance, what with overtimes, working weekends, long hours etc. The prevailing patriarchal system does not actually expect men to make time for their families, which is sadly seen as a feminine preoccupation. Also, women in the households of these men typically take over the other side of life, therefore, providing a conducive backup for men to do pretty much whatever they please with their career and lives - be it transferable jobs, long working hours, field jobs, on-site, off-site etc. Men do not bear much social brunt for neglecting the household and familial aspect of their lives, although they do suffer emotionally.

Since the system does not recognize men’s needs to connect with their ‘softer’ sides, as in families and recreation etc., and because men are seen only as breadwinners in patriarchy, the workplace culture evolves in tandem with these ideals.

So, a woman who wants to work finds herself making the same compromises. But unlike men, the social stigma associated with a woman, who is making the same sacrifices on the family front as a man, is a gazillion times higher. A father who works weekends is hailed. A mother who works weekends is said to be a vamp who neglects the family.

Is this just the woman’s problem? Or is it something more significant and important to address for all of us -men and women?

Aren’t we depriving intelligent, aspiring, ambitious women of the opportunity to put their technical
skills to use for achieving parity with men who have similar skill and expertise level?

Have you ever tried staying at home while your heart ached to prove your skill to the world?

Let me tell you how they feel. People, not just women, forced to be a homemaker either by circumstance or by social expectations when they aspire for work that puts their technical skills to use, are pushed to insanity of the brain rot it gives them. These people don’t feel mentally motivated by household chores and family management alone.

For them, it’s a just a part of life, not the heart of it, just like a job alone isn’t the heart of one’s life. A retired parent of grandparent will usually tell you how much of a mental rut it is to stay home after a long and successful career life.

While people who have been in challenging jobs all their lives feel thus in old age, when one is supposed to be more sober, is it not unfair to expect ambitious women in the prime of their lives to be happy just being “provided for”? Please note I am only talking about women who make the conscious choice to work, and are denied the opportunity one way or the other.

Every woman, as a human being, is entitled to all worlds she may identify with and it is purely up to her whether or not she utilizes this entitlement.

On the other hand, being a homemaker isn’t free from discrimination.

How many homemakers are there who feel they could have some recognition or appreciation of their efforts from their families?

How many men actually appreciate the work of their wives?

In fact the very term ‘working women’ is a shame. Homemakers work equally hard.

Do you ‘antagonists of feminism’ ever appreciate the homemaker?

If you did, you would uphold her right to do what she wanted - including her RIGHT to have/not have a career. And, that, my folks, makes you a feminist.

Shrikhand just tastes like shrikhand

Ever tasted words?

Found ‘pink’ tasting sweet like Digene tablets and ‘red’ like boiled chopped carrots?

‘Black’ like sputtered sesame seeds in gingelly oil?

‘Brown’ like crusty chocolaty Bournvita powder melting in the mouth?

‘Blue’ like sour sweet jelly and ‘green’ like fresh astringent Tulsi leaves

‘Yellow’ like rich boiled egg yolk with a smattering of kala namak

‘Orange’ like the rinds in marmalade left on the tongue after biting into a hot toast

‘Grey’, very much like ‘pray’ and ‘prey’, like the core of Gems after the sugarcoat dissolves

‘Maroon’ like Tomato ketchup and ‘mauve’ like a crumbly apple

‘Beige’ like chalk, ‘white’ like milk and ‘fuchsia’ like Roohafza in water

Somehow ‘mail’ tastes like fried salted Moong dal, but ‘dal’ tastes like salted lentil soup

‘Soup’ tastes like the extra liquid from Maggi noodles licked off an empty plate

But ‘noodles’ taste like ‘needles’

‘Needles’ are prickly to the tongue, but ‘tongue’ just resonates through your mouth

‘Mouth’ tastes like a kiss, but ‘kiss’ doesn't taste; it smells sandalwood powder

All this while butter tastes like freshly churned butter and cheese like the first smooth slice from a just-opened tin of cheddar

And shrikhand just tastes like shrikhand.

It is - If heard

Sweetest symphony on plain parchment scrawled

Is mere fly’s buzz before living piano chord

A quiet pin drop whilst a toddler prattles

A whimper inexistent on sea-sand battles

Prettiest portrait – though – just bright vivid vision

Is but linseed drop on a Van Gogh rendition

Pipe dream palettes don’t make Lisa smile

Nor fancied figures do Louvre walls style

What good – a melody – a poet’s stationed word

No flight, no wave – a silent songless bird

Brave voice – mere breath – not wielded as a sword

For great is, great does – it is, if heard